The Miller Menagerie

We’ll be offline for a little while.

Today, Drew has the day off, and I’m going to take this opportunity of daylong childcare to practice and clean. The organ practicing is going very well. I thought it would take about 60 hours of practice, just to the point that the notes were right (not factoring in time for musical expression and nuance, which was not a personal goal for this Sunday). I’m creeping up on 10 hours of practice, and I have about 75% of the notes right, at speed. And, it’s a pretty ambitious lineup (for me, at least). Five hymns, four pieces of service music, and if I feel comfortable, a prelude and a postlude. So, I’m hoping to get about 5-6 more hours of practice before Sunday morning, and I hope that it will be just as efficient as the last 10 or so have been.

A friend of ours blessed me with a small electric organ. She had it in her basement, for awhile now, and when I asked about it, not only did she say it was up for grabs, her daughter had arranged with her friends, pickup, transport, and delivery of it in their truck (with having the Scion xA now, with no rack or tow abilities, we were going to rent a truck). So, it got her a lot faster than I would have been able to, and the men folks did most of the work. I’m so appreciative of the work that they did and for the organ!

On Saturday, we have a morning of church activities related to our new rector search, then that evening, we’re going to watch some fireworks. Independence Day (come folks, that’s a better name than “Fourth of July”) and New Year’s Eve are the worst holidays for the pets. We’re basically going to dec out an interior closet for her with blankies, to make Sally’s doggie version of a bomb shelter or tornado drill safe spot. Poor pooch.

Then, on Sunday, I’m set to play the organ at church, something I wanted to do as a teenager, but a gift I have spent the last 10 years, purposefully, not sharing.

Next week, Drew will have one, maybe more meetings to attend at church. All the while, the car has to go to two shops, one for service, the other for a roof rack, which is the only way we’re getting anything to camp this year in the little car. Also, the kitties need to go to the vet, I had forgotten until I met with the pet sitter, that two are behind on their annual vaccines.

Then, finally we can go camping. It will be a long week, but we’ll survive.

And, when we get back, I’ll mention how it all goes! God willing, we’ll know who our next rector is going to be, too. I’m looking forward to being done with the search process.

In the meantime, some new pictures to share:

At the Fremont Solstice Fair. (It was weird, but definitely something you “have” to do when living in Seattle. There were painted naked bicyclists. Drew’s threatening to participate next year. I don’t think he’s that uninhibited. I’m calling his bluff, I told him if I got a Madsen, we’d throw the CLOTHED children in the cargo bin, and I’d participate.)

Here we are at The Bellevue Strawberry Festival. It’s one of our favorite festivals in the summertime. The shortcake is really sucking, though.

Pretty Wheezie:

Big Brown Sal:

Posted on July 3rd, 2009 by Deedee
Filed under: Animals & Animal-Related Information, Church, Life in general | No Comments »

So, what else is changing for the Miller Menagerie? Our house is currently in foreclosure proceedings, as of June 11. No, this wasn’t out of the blue, in fact, it’s something that we’ve been working on since November 2008. Well, actually, we’ve been trying to prevent foreclosure since 2007. (Read it to the end, there’s some really honest stuff along the way, where I say things other Christians only think about.)
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History of how it got so bad:
We have never felt right about having a mortgage. It is wrong for us to be beholden to anyone, financially. Also, our mortgage payment is $3594, $2200 goes towards principal + interest, and a whopping $1044 goes to PMI, private mortgage insurance. Read that Wikipedia entry I just linked to, it states most people’s is around $55; we’ve met people who have reported up to $150, but NEVER, NEVER, NEVER has it been as much as we pay. We were originally assauged that it was okay. “You make enough with your bonuses. Your house’s value will increase and you can refinance in a little while with some equity to put towards the bottomline. Yada yada yada.” We knew nothing about mortgages or purchasing a home. We tried to learn more about it, but eventually, Drew couldn’t devote time to it because of his job, and I had a 2 month old Newt to tend. We needed a home to move into, and the two rentals that had no problems with the 2 big dogs and 6 cats had iffy landlords. We felt like buying was our only option, and felt that any service providers referred by Drew’s company, should be trustworthy, and would have our best interest in mind. Yeah, right….

This fact really hit home during Family Camp 2007. Deacon Faith, of St. Augustine of Canterbury Anglican Church, in Chico, told a fireside anecdote of the church’s venture into building ownership (I can’t remember, truthfully, if the anecdote was about the church building or their coffee shop, Augie’s). Bottom line, there was a moment where the leadership knew that having a mortgage (which it was like 50% of our mortgage, which made the message hit home, even more) was wrong. These were things we had already been thinking, and it was the right story for the right time.

Most of 2007, we looked into selling the house. The market wasn’t disgustingly ugly yet, so we thought with about $1000 towards repairs (in the first 3 months in this house, a tub in the master bathroom cracked, and the deck’s banister suffered wind damage), we could get this place sellable. But…we would have to move locally, and Drew’s work doesn’t cover costs for local moves, only major relocation. Well, he had just switched to a new position, so he was unable to switch to another group at the same company. We figured about 6-10% the selling price (asking the same thing we paid, $299,950) would mean we needed about $18000-30000 for closing costs.

Well, Drew gets bonuses/stock award, so maybe by the spring, we could get to where we have enough in savings for closing costs. Well, then Georgia died in September. Then, the car, which had already been pretty sketchy, got more sketchy. Also, with our mortgage payment being 52% of Drew’s take home (net) pay; credit, medical bill collection & student loan payments equalling 18% net income, utilities (no cable tv, just cable internet for Drew’s work, two iPhone plans totaling $134, no other phone service, mandatory garbage/recycling, and mixed gas/electric energy) equalling 18% net, and our pledge (not a tithe because it most certainly was not 10%, which is what the word’s derived from) was 7% net, we had around 11% for food, savings, and emergency/unpredicted expenses. So, every month, we’d have to take a couple hundred out of savings.

Then Drew’s work got really bitchy/duplicitous/bait-and-switchy. Whatever the word would be to convey that Drew, in a new position, was stuck in this job, unless he went to a different company. There were some long days during Fall/Winter 2007. I had two kids aged 3 and under and was pregnant. Newt was a utter handful with the initial signs of his autism spectrum disorder (persistent crying and tantrums, and constant doctor’s appointments to figure out wy he walked funny and had a horrible digestive system). I was so spent after Drew had been away from the house for 12-13 hours, that I was not making dinner, and Drew was too tired to make it either, so we had to eat out, about 4 meals a week, during an average week. We kept it pretty cheap, $35 ish (usually pizza, sometimes Longhorn), but that adds up in a month. So, a lot of the depletion of savings went to “food expenses”.

Then, in the Spring of 2008, just after Rudy was born, Drew’s work got more asinine. The hoop jumping and bait-and-switching of the Borg (see all Borg rants here) meant that Drew had to be at work at 10 a.m. On. The. Dot. Not 10:05, that was a little negative check mark 3 times in the 6ish monthlong saga of Drew being an “underperformer”. So, to ensure that he got there, on time (this was before the snazzy bus that is .5 miles away), we drove him to work because then he could use HOV. So, gas expenses for every day.

But…this was in the early days of Newt’s therapeutic addressing of his autism spectrum disorder (that was yet-to-be diagnosed). By 6 pm, I had had my fill of the incessant crying and tantrums, and if I picked up Drew after work, at least I had someone else there to tend them. Okay. That makes double the gas expenses (100 miles, round trip). Oh, and add the wear-and-tear on a jillopy car. Yeah, remember the post, “The VUE is dying/dead“? That was the result of jumping through Borg hoops. Thanks a bunch. No, your healthcare does not make up for it, you d-bags.

So, anyway, back to the house. It’s apparent by now, the bonuses were devoured by “life”. So, in 2008, we looked into splitting the house into two portions and renting a portion. Okay, more disrepair (that we did not have the cashflow to fix) resulted in around an extra $1000 being added to the other figure to get the top floor repaired for a renter. This included hardwood flooring so that if they were allergic to pets, at least they wouldn’t have to live with pet dander in the carpet (but shared HVAC, by the way). Yeah, well, I didn’t have the money then to repair the two (now, at this point) bathrooms, or to buy a new refrigerator (since that one’s sketchy), or buy a new Washer/Dryer (because the house’s only one is in the basement). Large up-front expense to get a renter in here.

All the while, we had to go late on our mortgage payments in Summer 2008. Family Camp was our only vacation, and we were going, come Hell or Mortgage Foreclosure. And, I was so glad that I did. I had been down in the dumps about being a poor-fit round our spheres of influence (that’s an on-going saga), and being around the group at camp was just the perfect thing to come back, fully recharged and ready to take care of this family in spite of the shiteyness that is “life”. So, by going late to afford the expense of camp (it was really just gas and food expense, and auto repair beforehand, to ensure we’d get there safely), it meant that in the fall, we would not sock money into savings. Instead, we’d be socking money into this house (you know, that one where 1/3 of the payment goes to a big, bureaucratic insurance guarantor whose PMI provides no added virtue to the mortgage, not for us, and not for the lender, considering it is financially crippling).

Then, the car died. We limped by on the Zipcars to take us to church, which was the only time we used a car during the whole three months we lived car free. This resulted in a monthly bill of $250-300; basically a car payment, without the bonus of having a liquidatable asset. I was unwilling to buy a car, just for church, but in January 09, Newt would be at the therapy center 4 days a week. I COULD manage to walk 3 miles round trip, with Rudy in my carrier, Newt in the stroller, and Prue walking along, but it was physically demanding, it was cruddy Seattle winter (complete with rain and cold or snow and cold, take your pick). But, ultimately, I didn’t want to. I felt that was too much to ask of me. (What can I say, I’ve turned into a fat, lazy American.)

The final blow to our finances was the tithe. Drew has been working on becoming a Deacon, maybe one day, priest, for years. I first remember in 2001, he received the UECNA’s priest training information, called “The Meat of the Word” program. He never began the program because his secular work had him, at times, living in Jacksonville, away from his new wife; it also included 70 hour work weeks. Then, in 2004, shortly after we moved to Virginia, Drew had the chance to speak with Bishop McLean, Bishop of the Diocese of the Mid-Atlantic States, ACC about the ACC’s training for clergy, The Harry B. Scott School of Theology. Drew began the education and discernment process there, during their next session Spring 2005. He attended until we moved, excluding the session in Spring 2006, when Newt’s birth was imminent. Then, in the Spring of 2007, after we had decided to join the APCK, Drew met with the standing committee at the diocesan synod 2007.

It was after receiving the APCK’s application for postulancy, that he knew we’d have to address our pledge/tithe. Ministers are expected to properly tithe (10% on the gross, yeah, I know the gross vs. net is a persistent discussion, the app says gross, and we feel it should be on the gross, so let’s just agree to disagree), to be an example of Christian devotion and stewardship (in this case, the gift of money, from God). To not tithe, is to steal from God. Drew believes that, I believe that, the church believes that. But, how do you suddenly start shifting 5 more percent towards the church? In Drew’s defense, he thought he was tithing on the net in 2007, after joining our new parish, but in the early Fall, I ran the numbers, and no, he was pledging 5% gross, 7% net. For this reason, and a couple others, in late 2007, Drew ceased his aspirancy (see his blog post on Blogspot: “I’m no longer working to be a deacon“. He couldn’t fulfill this requirement (truthfully, I wouldn’t let him), so he had no choice but to stop.

That decision did not feel right. Drew was continually being called to discern his vocation, so he resumed his aspirancy (pending receipt of his application) in May 2008. This meant that the tithe needed to be addressed. Before he had a chance to speak with the Archbishop about the issue, we upped our giving at church to fulfill the prerequisites of being a postulant. That was in the late Fall 2008 (like Octoberish?).

That was the beginning of the end for this house situation. In November, I sent our mortgage servicer PHH Mortgage Services a letter to their loss mitigation department’s email (according to their website, a valid way of communicating pending financial distress). Here is what it said:

To the Loss Mitigation Department of PHH Mortgage:

Re: Mortgage Account #XXXXXXXX

After the passage of the Housing and Economic Recovery Act of 2008, our family has been hopeful that it will somehow apply to our financial situation.

Our understanding is that one of the primary criterion of eligibility is that the mortgage payment exceeds 31% of the homeowner’s monthly income, as of March 1, 2008. We meet that requirement as our mortgage payment totals $3594.60, with $2253.43 going towards Principal & Interest, and $1044.83 going towards PMI. Our mortgage payment is 34% of my husband’s (our family’s as we are 1-income family) gross pay, and it is 52% of his monthly net income (as in, our mortgage payment is one whole paycheck plus a hundred dollars from the next paycheck, every month). *My husband’s semi-monthly checks are $3571, direct deposited from Microsoft Corporation.

We have had anecdotes shared which leaves us with the impression that our PMI is excessive. We understand that our beacon score is below 600, and that we put no money down on the loan. My husband’s income has been less than years past, and to compensate for the difference, we’ve liquidated all assets that were sellable (a bass boat that sold for $9000, furniture, and our family’s only vehicle). In the last few months, we’ve had to rely on short-term, payday loans to assist our family with the food budget. While we’re able to continue that for a few more months, it is a waste of hundreds of dollars to do so.

We hope that we would qualify for a loan modification in which our PMI would be reduced. Other people we’ve talked to with equally poor credit have paid near $500, and we find a monthly PMI payment of $500 to be reasonable. (Note, this was an overestimation to cover our butts, the highest I had heard of was $150) The other $500 would then be used to discontinue the payday loan usage, and begin to focus on credit repair.

All of our aspirations of repairing our credit and fulfilling our mortgage’s terms are beneficial to your company as well. Otherwise, our only option would be to cease the payday loans and allow our home payments to become late again, as they were earlier this year (with over $1000 in late fees still outstanding).

We have no desire to default on our loan and would love to find a mutually beneficial loan modification in which the mortgage’s principal & interest payments remain as is, but with the PMI reduced.

Sincerely,
Andrew & Deirdre Miller

No response. So, a few weeks later, in December, I send it again to the email. Nothing. We went to DC for Drew’s mom’s promotion (thankfully, a trip that she subsidized the travel, lodging, and rental car expenses, leaving about 10% of what was spent to us. It would not have been possible for us to attend, had it not been for her generosity), so I spent most of Dec. busy with preparations, and most of the beginning of January settling back in, and acclimating to Newt’s new, vigorous therapy schedule. It was February 4th, 2009, before I could compile the Loss Mitigation Packet for Drew to fax. But, he did later on that week.

Then, we had to go late on our payment in April. Sebastian soaked up all of our savings (from tax refund) with his blocked urethra, so we had to go late on our house payment. In May, we went late again to have money for the trip to synod. That was a tough decision, as it was 5 days before synod that we learned that Drew didn’t even need to meet with the standing committee, since his application hadn’t been completed. So, the trip would be purely social (well, we were our parish’s delegates). I first said, “Scrap it, we’re not going.” But, with feeling so blue at church lately (well, not lately, just more pronounced with the Mirror Incident (see: “Seventy Times Seven” and “Tiber Swimming“)
I was dying to go somewhere, worship with people I love, and be refreshed and rejuvenated spiritually. And I was! But, it came at a four-figure price. Totally worth it, and if I do lose my house, that would be an expenditure with no regrets.

But, then in June we had to go late because they wouldn’t take a payment from us without catching up completely. If you’re more than two months late, they want it all paid up. Obviously, I couldn’t do that, so we went late, knowing that this would start the foreclosure process.

Truthfully, it has helped getting our mortgage servicer’s attention. In April, when Drew called to let them know we would be late, and to inquire about what options we had, since they should have had adequate time to review our Loss Mitigation paperwork, they replied, “Um, yeah, we didn’t receive a fax from you.” So, he faxed it again, and then he called and they have it. But, The Loss Mitigation Department and Foreclosure Department are two separate, evil heads of this hydra. It’s ridiculous how not-cohesive this place is.

Last Wednesday, the foreclosure paperwork was posted and the little dude took a picture of it proving it was served. Drew called the Loss Mitigation Department today to understand just how long we can be here, when we need to move, if we need to move, and they were no help. They said:

LMD: So, we can’t help you determine your options until your house has a sale date.
Drew: Yeah, the foreclosure proceedings began 6/11, and it said within 90 days, a date no earlier than 30 days after that will be made, so I assume it will be no earlier than 120 days from 6/11.

USELESS!
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Feeling like a bad citizen:
Truthfully, I feel like a bad citizen by defaulting on our loan. Our country is in horrible shape, financially, and I don’t want to be a part of the problem. Now, I can’t feel too bad when our own government didn’t/doesn’t/won’t ever care about the financial business of individuals, only large, gigantic corporations that make our financial mismanagement look like a child’s game of checkers. But, I do. I feel like I’m assaulting my neighbors with lowered house appraisals. We always said we disliked the housing bubble, and were willing to take a financial blow for it to be righted, but we always thought that would be more like paying too much for something that was worth much less than it originally was, not defaulting
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Better financial impact as a renter:
Truthfully, in spite of defaulting, we would have a better economic impact as a renter. With rent that totaled (pet fees, which we’re willing to throw crazy pet fees, pet deposits, and pet rent at a landlord for the right place-hardwood floors, fenced yard, either in Seattle near a Borg bus stop or near the Borg) less than the principle + interest payments, $2200, we could have an extra thousand, monthly, that could go into savings, and if we spent what we do now on food, including eating at restaurants, it’s okay because we’re supporting our local economy (and giving tips to an individual). We would be able to pay off our paltry revolving credit (only $6500, which we pay minimums on). Without this two steps forward, one step back ($2200-forward, with the $1044 going towards nothing of virtue, just some fat-cat insurance company that is actually going to make us default) housing payment scheme, we’d eventually be able to donate even more money (after our debt was paid down, of course). Life would be so much better as a renter, we just hate that this was such an expensive way to learn this lesson.
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What was this stuff about “I say things other Christians only think about” in the first paragraph?:
Right. Well, you know that I’ve been having some issues with my place in the Christian world, and our sphere of influence, within it. For a few years, I wondered if Anglicanism, outside of the Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox churches, was where I should be (see final paragraphs of the post “A Week of Firsts and A Week of Farewells. I love the Anglican Way, and I love a great number of people at our church, but never before in all of my churchmanship, have I had as much problems fitting in, as I have here. From the way I can serve at church (i.e. I have served on Altar Guilds since I was 13), to how different our lifestyle is (attachment parenting, homebirthing, home education), and tolerance of special needs Newty, I’ve felt like a poor fit.

I got to chat with the kids’ godfather, Jason, over MSN Messenger on June 6 (til like 1:30 in the morning), but I got to verbalize, to someone other than Drew, a lot of the things I had decided upon the week before. I had decided that week, that I do not, in fact, want to swim the Tiber. I do not agree with tons of RC doctrine, and well, I could never become Orthodox because I LOVE my name way too much to take a “Christian” name (but there are other things too). There’s a great deal of melding and merging of some of the things that are “universal”, as in little “c” catholic, that Anglicanism has lost along the way (the ones that matter to me are the lack of koinonia or U+03B5 U+03BB U+03BB U+03B7 U+03BD U+03B9 U+03BA U+03AC ). I love a lot of the people at our parish, a great deal. My issues were MY ISSUES, and everyone else seemed to be just fine with the way things have been, age to age, unchanged. After talking with Jason, and just listening to other folks, during the last few months, whose business is ministry, I see I’m not alone. All of us who are called to service in the church (not necessarily ordained service) are thirsting for so much more, and want to give to God, in the name of our ministries, or our gifts of service, or gifts of money to the church, and we often feel like we are falling short of the glory of God, my neighbor keeps pissing me off, and falling short of the glory of God, and even the church, filled with human leadership and ministers, tries hard, but falls short of the glory of God.

Sharing this with Jason was so good for me. I regularly rant to Drew that I don’t want to give a tithe to a church that does nothing for me (this is a very honest, and raw statement, in my defense). Or more precisely:

Damn it. I sit here and bust my ass, raising this family like a one man, God-danged band, with no help from you, because we’re so shackled to your job. I’m hearing it takes a village, but ‘Where the hell is this village?’ I tell you, I’ve packed up houses after people have prepared to enter retirement communities, and I drive up to social events and services when the last thing I want to do is spend money on gas or take the time to travel. When is it going to be my turn? I’ve invested 10% of your money, and have had ZERO return. Well, not ZERO, the people that care show they care, and there are a few who care, who I know would do more if we lived closer to church, but I don’t see anyone do jack crap for me, here, in Kent.

A huge dose of self-pity, I know, but when you’re putting 10% of your gross income to something, and that meant you couldn’t make your bills, that’s where I’m crying “foul” first. Drew’s first to admit:

1. We’re not investing in church. This is God’s money, and to not tithe properly is to steal from God. (to which I reply, quite frankly, I don’t care.)
2. Life isn’t fair and there is no guarantee it will ever get better.

Which, is a lot of my problem. The only thing that got me through my wretched childhood was the attitude of “Tomorrow is a better day.” One day, I’m going to leave this cracrap hole, and I’m not looking back. Then, at 18, when my dad said, “My ass had to be out of his house”, I not only found Prince Charming, I got to live with him and then later, his wonderful family. Then, we had one wonderful child after another, and overall, our lives were pretty good.

But, then the rose colored glasses come off. Prince Charming makes great money, but sucks at managing it. Our family, while loving, and tries hard, has their own flaws and mistakes, some of which have been costly to us. Our kids, while we love them to death, are a lot of work because of things out of their control (Newty’s autism). It isn’t a bad life, it’s a great one, but it’s chaotic, and one without support from anyone whose doesn’t live in ##### XXXxx Xxxxx SE, Kent, WA.

Projecting my feelings of being a “poor fit” onto how God’s portion of our money is used (and whether or not that use feeds my soul or helps my family’s feeling of being overwhelmed, is not fair.

And, for the record, I do think things are looking up. I’m not confident that after this rector search is over, I’ll still be an odd fit, but, that’s a hopelessly,ever-present issue. As much as I’d love to live in California near “my clan” (the Anglicised version of “my tribe”), and this house hooplah makes me consider that, I have to do what’s best for the family, and that means not having Drew switch companies.

But, especially with our new found decsion of when to have Miller #4 (LAM of family planning ended last month), it’s made me wonder, is it now time to move? All 3 of our kids were born in different states, after Drew took a different job. That could be a symptom of a greater problem, but half of me does wonder if it’s a sign that, “That’s my cue.”
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All this blather to say, I don’t know what our future holds, or where it will be. We’re taking this foreclosure one day at a time. Trying best to honor God, and support our family (the 2-legged, and furry kind). We know there are people who can look at our financial details and dependencies and know that a sizable rent, with pet fees/deposits/rent is also something that we’re more than willing to do, to fulfill our commitment to the critters, is well within our means.

NOTE: And to those jackasses that say, “Um, just get rid of the cats…” SHAME ON YOU.” We are committed to the care of these critters, that we’ve taken on, just as much as we’re committed to our children or each other in marriage. To compromise our commitment to one dependent, is unacceptable. I do not send Newt to an orphanage because of his autism being inconvenient and overwhelming. I also will not send the cats to a shelter because a change in circumstances makes them inconvenient.

Also, we are not looking for money. This PMI is ridiculous and wrong. Had we understood mortgages better, we never would have agreed to any of these terms. It was our foolish mistake, and now we’re paying the price. We do not ask for anyone else to “bail us out”. Bailouts never teach lessons. Including government bailouts.

What I do want are your prayers. Here are some good ones from the 1928 Book of Common Prayer:

For Quiet Confidence.

O GOD of peace, who hast taught us that in returning and rest we shall be saved, in quietness and in confidence shall be our strength; By the might of thy Spirit lift us, we pray thee, to thy presence, where we may be still and know that thou art God; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

For Guidance.

O GOD, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and light riseth up in darkness for the godly; Grant us, in all our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what thou wouldest have us to do, that the Spirit of Wisdom may save us from all false choices, and that in thy light we may see light, and in thy straight path may not stumble; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

For Faithfulness in the Use of this World’s Goods.

ALMIGHTY God, whose loving hand hath given us all that we possess; Grant us grace that we may honour thee with our substance, and remembering the account which we must one day give, may be faithful stewards of thy bounty; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

And, for those who disagree with Tithing, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” And, just a forewarning, if you have something negative to say about tithing and Christian faithfulness in regards of stewardship, there will be a comment from me along the lines of, “Blow it out your ass.” You have been duly warned.

Posted on June 24th, 2009 by Deedee
Filed under: Animals & Animal-Related Information, Church, Cycling & Carfree, Financial, Home Education, Kids & Kid-related Ranting, Life in general, Special Needs | 1 Comment »

Coccydynia

When Prue was born, my coccyx (tailbone) which had broken twice during my childhood (falling onto a basketball court, both times), was broken again. But, in the days after her birth, I spent most of my days in this position:

This resulted in it healing in a more ventral position (as in angled more inward). It currently rests about 20 degrees more inward than it did before Prue was born. After Newt’s birth, I had hoped that it would rebreak, and that I would have the opportunity for it to heal in a proper position. Yeah, nope. After Rudy’s birth? Still a no. It has successfully stayed broken and improperly healed since big nog made her entrance.

I’ve talked with two chiropractors, and two family practice doctors (well, one was an ARNP in Virginia). Either no one knows where to refer for assistance, or doesn’t want to do any internal or surgical correction. There is an internal chiropractic technique, but I had one chiropractor tell me, “I got into Chiropractice medicine to keep my hands out of people, not in.”

There is also a coccygectomy. It is usually a last resort as the removal of the coccyx can cause weakness in the pelvic floor (sometimes prolapse, ick), and the nerves are what would be impacted, should trauma happen again (opposed to the coccyx receiving the brunt of the force).

This morning, I was sitting on the futon, changing Newt, and I sat up to readjust my position, then sat down right on the corner of the wooden arm of the futon. Square, 90-degree angled corner all up in the dislocated part of my tailbone. I just sat there holding my buttcrack and cried. Fortunately, Drew was working from home today, and so he was able to come help.

Sometimes, it’s even more incidental contact, such as backing into an exterior corner of a wall (there are about 5 in this house, around the stairwell, kitchen, and shoe closet). Regularly, I’ll be crouched down, helping the kids with their shoes, and when I rest back on my ankles, I rest back into a corner. And, I usually just hold my buttcrack and cry, and cry, and cry.

A coccydynia support site has a list of people who treat coccydynia, and what services they offer. There are several in Washington, so I’m going to give some of these folks a call and see what they can do. This crap is immobilizing. I can’t sit very long. I can’t recline or do sit-ups comfortably. Car trips and practicing on a hard piano bench also suck. It is killing my productivity, and I really need to be playing catch-up around the house.

Posted on June 24th, 2009 by Deedee
Filed under: Life in general | No Comments »

(Originally posted to Drew’s blog: An Anglican Geek, in the post: Feeling Guilty on this Lord’s Day

Trinity II, 2009

We woke up late this morning, at nine o’clock. That’s normally when we need to be walking out the door to make it to the parish on time. Instead of rousing the kids and rushing to leave, we rolled over and went back to sleep. To Deedee’s credit, she tried to get everyone up, but “sleepy Drew” won the battle.

That’s pretty bad. But it’s actually worse than it seems, because I went to sleep last night expecting this very thing would happen. I’d already accepted it. To at least a small extent, I was looking forward to it.

Sure, I had a nice list of excuses for staying home. Yesterday was a very long day (albeit a very fun one). I have a moderately bad sunburn. My diabetes is hitting me hard this week, most noticeably as severe headaches and shakes. I’ve slept very poorly this week (last night being the worst yet) and I’m exhausted.

Given time, I’m sure I could think of even more excuses.

But, as you’ve certainly surmised, that’s not the reason I stayed home today. The reason is simple: I was lazy. I was sinfully and willfully disobedient to my Lord and to His Church. And I’ve felt guilty all day.

Given all the the Lord has done for me, and done for us all, this is ingratitude of the most severe sort. And while I leave all the blame where it squarely rests, with me, I know that there is a very real spiritual war going on, and that we (yes, that includes you) are the field of battle. Today went to the Enemy.

What’s the point of all this? Well, it’s what comes next. Or rather, it’s what won’t come next: admonishment. I expect our spiritual leaders, our Holy Clerics, to be active in the spiritual lives of those they shepherd. But none of the clergy I’ve known during my life would admonish someone for my sin today.

We know Jesus would have (we have some examples, after all). And so would the Holy Apostles and the saints. St. Paul writes about admonishment often (νουθεσίᾳ — a word which would make for a great language study). I’ll grant you that Christian admonishment must always be done in a spirit of love, meekly, and with deference to the Holy Spirit. But it must be done.

This is on my mind today not only because of my sin, but also because I’ve been praying and thinking about who God would have us call to be rector. We’ve spoken with two candidates, and I’ve spent some time with the third. I’m simultaneously dismayed and excited when considering them in this light.

I fear the first candidate is like all the priests I’ve know previously; I expect he’d shy away from admonishment. On the other hand, I’m certain the second candidate would admonish me (albeit in a loving, kindly, and pastoral manner). I’m really not sure about the third. I guess I’ll just ask him when we see him in a few weeks.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Posted on June 21st, 2009 by Deedee
Filed under: Drew's old posts | No Comments »

AUTISM CARE TAKES BIOLOGICAL TOLL ON MOTHERS

Um, dur. Seriously, dur. I’ll solve their mysterious study, as to why it is such, for them now: It’s from lack of assistance. Seriously. Who do you hit up to watch your three kids, one of them “on the spectrum”? Very few are willing, then when you factor in competency, you just might find yourself with a potential workforce of two, as in the two that made them. And, you’re one of them.

Posted on June 13th, 2009 by Deedee
Filed under: Life in general, Special Needs | 1 Comment »

These videos were taken on Tuesday, May 12th, nearly a month ago. I’ve had problems uploading them to YouTube, until today (user error, in all honesty). But, here they are now!

In these two videos, Newt was at Children’s Therapy Center having an occupational therapy session with Vickie and Kathy. Vickie drew some faces with body parts, and Newt would follow suit. At one point, Vickie draws a mouth, then later a head, and Newt does, as well. Until this therapy session, I do not recall a time where I saw Newt identify different parts of a face.

Posted on June 10th, 2009 by Deedee
Filed under: Kids & Kid-related Ranting, Life in general, Special Needs | No Comments »

I’ve had some major failures at reconciling modesty, an active lifestyle, including kid-wrangling, and good financial stewardship by purchasing secondhand. My idea of modesty is inspired by the Roman Catholic idea of modest as published in the 1950’s:

* Necklines that plunge no further than two fingers’ breadth from the pit of your throat.
* Skirt lengths at least a smidge beyond the knee
* Sleeves that go past the elbow.

Most of the clothing I’ve purchased lately hasn’t qualified as modest by those or my own standards. Cases in point:

1. My purple wrap dress- I received a Kohl’s giftcard from my mother-in-law, Kathleen, for Christmas. By May, I still hadn’t spent it. So, in preparation for our trip to the synod held in Oakland, I finally spent it, purchasing a very modest swimsuit (skirted bikini bottom with a tankini), a new, black scarf/wrap, and a purple floral, wrap-style dress with contrasting black piping, with the intention that I would wear it at the banquet.

I love the dress, except, it has an obscenely deep neckline. In my picture of us at The Golden Gate Bridge (see below), I see my bra. Now, this is easily fixed by wearing a shirt underneath, perhaps even a long-sleeved shirt as it has short little sleeves on it, currently.

2. My two, new skorts from Value Village. Skorts were going to be the ingenious solution to my desire to wear a skirt AND be able to kid-wrangle with the same level of activity that I would have in pants. Yeah, that’s just not working out. While they do cover me such that I can run and whatnot after the guys, they’re obscenely short. I wouldn’t wear 2″ shorts (normally, I made a special exception for those Unionbay shorts yesterday that were just like a pair I had 10 years ago; unofortunately, I found them to be inappropriately short the whole time), why would I wear skorts the length of a miniskirt?

I, typically, do not try on clothes; it is too complicated with the kids. But, maybe I should do it anyway, because with my inseam being slightly longer than normal, everything looks short on me. And…talls are too rare a find at Value Village and too long, usually, when I do find them.

3. My wraps that wear as a headscarf get snatched off by Rudy within 5 minutes of veiling my hair. I really do want to wear a head covering when at church, but little stinker loves snatching it off.

I’ve attempted securing the scarf closed with a pin, but it was shredding the scarf. I hate to constantly be readjusting the darned thing.

Excluding point #3, all of these can be remedies by making my own clothes. I’m never 100% happy with my clothes, Drew neither. I just need to get a sewing table REALLY set up win my serger and sewing machine and then make our clothes.

Then, I could make a knee length skirt with Bermuda-style shorts attached. Or maybe make a Bernuda short out of a lightweight knit then have the skirts separately. Truth be told, with the young kids, my tomboyish nature, and our mini-homestead lifestyle, I NEVER want to have to worry about bendig over ladylike. I should just make them skorts with a coordinated short. Otherwise, I’ll have to worry about launderig each part separately, etc, etc.

That could be my Etsy.com nitch: modestwear skorts that have Bermudas underneath a nice A-line or fluted/petal, kneelength skirt. If they were minimally embellished, and cut them put in bulk, I could sew them in around 2 hours.

Might not be a bad idea. I’m tired of not being 100% happy with my attire.

Posted on June 5th, 2009 by Deedee
Filed under: Crafting, Life in general | 9 Comments »

Ten years ago, this month, when I had my navel pierced, I consulted Drew about it, first. I was interested in a navel piercing, but was interested in his thoughts on piercings, on girls, in general. He said he liked nose piercings. I had never given much thought to piercing my nose, before then, and I had wanted to get my navel pierced since I was 12, so I thought, “Sure, maybe if I get another, one day.”

Then, it started to nag on me. “Hmm, I DO kind of like nose piercings.” I’d see them on other people and really liked the way they looked. So, about 4-5 years ago, around the time of my birthday, I really considered a nose piercing as a birthday present to myself. Every year I’d talk myself out of it, because I worried about how my “solo scriptura” brethren would take it (and, by extension, my Christian testimony).

I appreciate their stance on body modification, to the point that I researched and prayed over the theology behind body modification (specifically, one that is visible, unlike my tattoo and navel ring) for years upon years. The passage in Leviticus 19:28 specifically states tattoos, but is in the context of “marks of the dead”. My tattoo, while an astrological symbol, is not some channeling of spirits or an entryway for Satan to get my soul. It was just a small symbol, without letters, that would remain forever applicable to me. Yeah, I’m a Pisces because I was born February 28th. I will always have that birthday, even if I find astrology to be a load of bunk. I placed no spiritual weight in my tattoo; it was purely for aesthetic reasons, which would throw the ball into the modesty court. More on that later.

Then, there are the “body is a temple” portions of 1 Corinthians 6:15, 19-20. I no less give up my body as a living sacrifice with a nose ring, than I did before without it. Then, there is 1 Peter 3: 3-4 that addresses outward adornment.

Yes, I’ve read all of those and was left with the conclusion: “I’m not a ’solo scriptura, Bible literalist’. My faith is based on the ‘three-legged stool’, and while reason & tradition do not trump scripture, I am allowed to cite and research other sources”. Extensive readings from Roman Catholic ministries, Muslim ministries, and liturgically-bent Protestant ministries, had this overwhelmingly obvious conclusion, “Visible piercings (non-earrings) are fine, but do provoke attention, thus being an issue of modest vs. immodest.”

Which was exactly what Drew said. Much like my navel ring and tattoo, I find that with this nostril piercing, I appreciate my appearance more. I looked just fine before, a wonderful creation of the Lord, but I look just fine now, still a wonderful creation of the Lord. My tattoo and piercings are for my own personal appreciation (and Drew’s), but they are not there to solicit attention from the world.

But, how do you obscure something that is on your face such that it doesn’t attract attention, thus being immodest. A Muslim forum actually addressed this best. They mentioned that the modesty issue was only in relation to soliciting attention from men, and that when men were in the lady’s proximity, it would be best for her to remove it. Otherwise, when in female company, or male company, at a distance, it was perfectly halal (although, I’m sure there are some islamic fundamentalists that would have a stricter interpretation of what is and is not halal).

So, from that view of modesty, which is not my own, as I’m not worried about conversations happening closer than 1m from my face, I came to the conclusion that it isn’t an issue for me to leave it in when in the presence of the world outside my home. A fairly reasonable conclusion, considering all the various sources of information (with the evangelical Protestant and Muslim sources being the strictest).

There was a funny anecdote on a European Catholic message forum about a picture in a magazine where the priest was administering an intinctured host onto a tongue that was pierced, and it was clearing visible on the magazine’s cover. All of the RC laymen were like, “I bet that was a shocker for the clergy”, but all of the clergy was like, “Been there, seen that, got the t-shirt.”

And, on that note, I must officially say,

“I worship and adore the Lord with no less of my heart, after receiving a nostril piercing, than I did before.”
_____________________________
Note: In the spirit of modesty, I didn’t include a picture, but body mod fans wanted to see it, so here it is:
(I intend to switch this one out for either a small hoop, or a small stud. This purple gem is a little too BLING BLING for me.)

Posted on May 31st, 2009 by Deedee
Filed under: Life in general | 5 Comments »